The song that just popped into my head

... is the Beautiful South's "Song for Whoever." I am going to have to find the CD now.

This actually happens to me all the time. A song just pops into my head, or I hear a song and I can't get it out of my head until I watch the video or get out the record and listen to the album it's from.

So, I think that this will be a new feature for the blog — it certainly will help me post more frequently, that's for sure. Because my head never stops spinning records. Trust me

Because when it comes to...

... a delicious political scandal, I don't care if it's right or left — just tawdry. :0)

Best hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold line: "...prostitution is about sex, and an escort is more about time spent..."

Um, yeah... sure it is...

(and, omg, Gawker is right: Sawyer's "Bitch, what?" facial expressions are priceless!!)

Oh my goodness!

It's been a week since my last post. This is entirely unacceptable, and will soon be rectified. Stay tuned...

John McCain: Yes, he was funny on SNL's Weekend Update

And here's your proof:



Best line: "... the Sad Grandpa..." lol

When Space Clams attack (or I hate the criminal enterprise known as "Scientology")

If you know me well, you know how much I despise Scientology and the upper echelons of their criminal enterprise. This is NO religion. Trust me. It's part cult, part mafioso. And if these freaky people had their way, they would rule the world (and for once, I am not kidding.).

Anyhow, Gawker rules on so many levels. And one of them is that they have the balls to continually report on these crazy mofos. Here is the latest. There was a recent protest by Anonymous, an online group that protests, monitors and challenges the so-called Church of Scientology (although most recently it made headlines for hacking into Sarah Palin's personal email account, where they found out she was frequently doing state business through it, and that's a no no).

And of course, eventually the CoS goon squad showed up, and while their thugs had hog tied one protester, they politely took the time to beat another one whens she tried to grab the hog-tied guy's digital camera. Such lovely church-going people, aren't they? Can someone please explain to me how these effs STILL have their nonprofit status?!? Anyone?!? Sigh.

OK, color me stupid. Seriously (or Jenny McCarthy is hot!)

When I read this Reuters story's headline "Judge halts New York plan to turn yellow cabs green," I freaked out. I thought, "Wait, no! You can't turn NYC cabs from yellow to green — that would be a sacrilegious outrage!!" Of course, that's not what the story is actually about. It's about making the city's cabs eco-friendly. lol.

I mean, maybe this isn't funny to anybody else but me. But then again, it IS my blog.

And ABC did have a successful seven-year run with their popular sitcom "Three's Company," where each episode would revolve around some misunderstanding between one character and everybody else on the show, from which a great amount of zaniness and Jack Tripper one-line whoppers would flow, until eventually, the issue was resolved in the waning moments, an important life lesson was learned, everyone would hug — but Jack still failed to get into Chrissy's pants.... so, you know, I've got that working for me, too.



(OK, that wasn't a real Three's Company clip, because they are no where to be found online. It was a parady from the old Jenny McCarthy Show on MTV — although it DID include Suzanne "Buy My ThighMaster!" Sommers. And quite frankly, any excuse to watch Jenny McCarthy do anything, sounds like a good idea to me — meow!)

Touch screen voting: Totally flip-ping out

This is an interesting article on the problems with touch screen voting machines. Personally, I think it's a combination of poor calibration, user error and dirty tricks — which begs the question: if there are so many problems with these damn machines, and they are easily manipulated to steal (aka "flip") votes, why the hell are we even using them?

Eyebrow raiser: "The nature of a touch-screen device [is that], like any other device, there can be an instance where it's not operating properly. What the majority of our jurisdictions find is that where 'vote flipping' ... or mis-selection is occurring ... in the vast majority of cases they find that the calibration is not out of specification."

Hmmmmm...

Why are people in Afghanistan facing starvation this winter — and not a peep out of reporters here in the US?

I don't have anything funny to say about this. WTF?!? I mean, this think tank is calling for a Berlin Airlift-like effort so that people won't starve and freak out and send the country spiraling out of control, making it even more unstable than it already is. Man.

Eyebrow raiser: "It says food shortages now represented a greater threat to Afghanistan than the Taliban insurgency."

... oh, btw, there is a shit storm of trouble in the Congo. Not that anyone in the American press would care to report about that either.

I mean, I know that we are all tangled up in the election over the past few months — me included — but there is an entire world out there where important and amazing things happen, that we, as readers and listeners and viewers of the news should be informed about. Because whether we like it or not, we are all affected by world events. You know? I just wish our own press would make an effort to cover the world beyond the Atlantic and the Pacific sometime. Sigh.

(OK, back down off my soapbox for the night.)

Could CSPAN's Supreme Court coverage go blue?

This just cracks me up, especially the thought of Chief Justice Roberts really thinking this one over, oh boy. Like he doesn't have anything else better to do, you know, like... think of iron-clad legal arguments to overturn Roe v Wade or suspend habeus corpus or laugh about how that crazy GWB-lovin' biatch Harriet Myers almost got his job.

Best line: "It's going to sound like a bunch of goddamned longshoremen or hard-boiled crime reporters up in there—only uttered by white-shoe barristers whose education costs are triple your net worth"

LIVE BLOGGING: Obama infomercial

It was almost as if I was right there too...

LIVE BLOGGING: Obama infomercial

"Ehhhh... forgettaboutit!"

LIVE BLOGGING: Obama infomercial

I think that the real secret about Barack Obama is not that he's a
socialist, it's that he's Italian. Look at that pisano talk with his
hands!

Sent from my iPhone

My favorite drunk brilliant British guy on Palin...

... via Scott Bateman animation and Salon.com.

Best line (via the scroll below): "Larry King: Fruit flies not funny; fruit flies killed at least 12 of his wives."

Because I care...

... I'm sharing this. And yes, you're welcome.

Best line: "C'mon you tree-hugging hippie! What are you waiting for — congressional approval?!?"

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

This time it's Wilkerson's, not Victoria's, Secret

Oh boy. Massachusetts state Sen. Dianne Wilkerson is in a shit load. The Democratic lawmaker was busted by the FBI for taking bribes, and at one point, stuffing the cash money in her bra — which, of course, was caught on video tape.

I thought that that was something they only do in movies. But apparently, it's something senators do all the time, when they are taking bribes... well, state senators... in Massachusetts... when they are named Dianne.... Wilkerson...

Best line: "She also said 'I've been beating people up' for action, and spoke of 'people who's knees I had to crack,' according to the complaint."

(Nice lady. I'll bet she drinks the milk right out of the carton, too.)

Public letter of apology to my lil' blog

Dear Lil' Blog,

I am sorry. I have so neglected you over the past two weeks. Please don't be sad, or angry, with me. It wasn't intentional. Here, please except this musical apology while I work on some smart and sassy posts.

Signed,

She Who Thinks The Thoughts And Then Writes Them Down



(And doesn't Feist rule?!?)

This debate (yawn)

Watching my dog eat stale, old french fries off the sidewalk is more
exciting than this debate. Sigh...

LIVE BLOGGING: McCain/Obama 2

It's ten o'clock: do you know where your exciting presidential
candidates who know how to debate are? Oh yeah. That's right. Hillary
lost the primary. Sigh...

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: McCain/Obama 2

What is with mccains Scripto pens? Who uses a scripto to take notes?

If at the end of the debate he makes a sign with one of those pens,
like "TKO" or something, and then prances around the stage with it --
thats it. I'm voting for Joe Walsh.

LIVE BLOGGING: mccain/obama2

Um, ok. It's official. The first 21 minutes of this debate is a
snooze-fest. Sigh. Can't one of these ambitious, ego-driven guys throw
a little red meat to the people?!?

How about lighting yourself on fire? Swallowing a sword? Or a card trick?... I hear Intervention calling...

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: McCain/Obama 2

I would like Obama to know that actually, yes, I am "interested in
watching politicians point fingers at each other." Thats called
entertainment.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: McCain/Obama 2

OK. I'm sorry. But the red carpet has to go. Seriously.

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LIVE BLOGGING: mccain/obama2

OK. First thought that popped in my head: McCain needs to unbutton
that last button on his suit coat. It's pressing on the old man tire
round his belly. I find it unnerving.

Sent from my iPhone

I now officially strongly dislike this woman with every fiber in my being (aka I hate her).

I have had it with this woman. Had it. She is "annoyed" with Karie Couric? WTF?!?!?!?!

I actually met Couric a few times, in the mid-1990s, when I was working at an indoor playground in the Upper West Side of New York. She used to bring her daughter in there in the afternoons, when it wasn't too busy. And she was very cool, never took herself too seriously (unlike some of the other celebrities who would pop in from time to time), and she was actually a genuinely funny person.

And while Couric is sweet and funny (you know you hearted her on the Today Show, people), and does her best to be a serious journalist, she never plays hardball. And in her inteviews with Palin last week, she asked basic, un-loaded questions that Palin failed to answer — in fact, butchered — because Zamboni Head is clueless.

You're not dumb, CB, you're just uninterested. And so, Palin-ating Princess of Power, I say unto you, in the words of my personal hero Chelsea Handler: "Suck it!!!"

Or, I could let another former beauty queen put it to you a little more politely:



(Or, there is always dear, misguided HoHan. Who apparently was "shocked" by McCain's picking Palin as his VP. lol, I don't know why that cracks me up, it just does . Oh boy, I'm such a nerd.)

Ooops, they did it again.

Oh boy. This campaign has really laid some doozies, but this takes the cake. Because it's the second time they have published an online ad saying how great their candidate was — before the debate even happened!

And ok, I am sure that the Obama/Biden people have the same flack crap lined up in advance, too. But at least they don't pre-release it before the debates, and they didn't make the same mistake twice. Oh lord, sigh... Please. Don't. Let. Them. Win.

Best line (from comment below): "What if the famous person was Amy Winehouse?"

(And just because I like to keep my site content rich, how about a little Britney (ok, as done by some wacko guy who posted his video take online, but whatever!), as she is a big, bad-assed drug-addled fan of Bush & Co anyhow — remember?!?)

It's Friday Campers — and that means it's Kreepy Kats Time!

A short, but nasty one for all of you. As always, stolen each week from Gawker.com.

Best line: "She speaks to the Main Street beneath my Granny Panties."

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

My suspicions, confirmed.

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

This just in: a well-placed source (on their couch watching the
debate, hey that's a s-well place to be tonight), reports that Palin
may be cheating via the use of a Blackberry. Hmmmm...

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

"Sat it ain't so, Joe." Oh gawd. How long has she been holding on to
that one?

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

Well, she definitely is prepared with prepackaged and frozen answers
that she can just whip out, reheat and then speak as needed.

Also, Palin seems rather spunky and super verbal. My guess: on her way to the debate, she stopped off at the Mobile on the corner and
slammed one of those Five Hour Energy things they sell at the counter.

I'm just saying.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

Hezbollah. Shezbollah. Youzbollah Wezallbollah.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

Palin also wins points for giving the Frenchie pronunciation of
"naivete." She's classy, this basketball broad from the great white
north. Eh?

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

OMG. Could that flag broach be any bigger? And what is that thing, a
musical note? Lord. Well, at least she won the whole "my flag pin is
bigger than your flag pin" battle. Here here.

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

Awww, Caribou Barbie, you are so sweet, I can't believe that you would
be willing to "tolerate" the fact that me, and other homos like me,
exist. What a gal.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

Biden has scary vampire eyebrows tonight. However, the aren't as
frightening as the things that are falling out of Caribou Barbie's
mouth.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

"... rear that head of use..." WTF? Oh boy, lady, sigh...

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING: vp debate

OK. I just got home so I've missed the first few minutes.

Initial observations: Palin is a fembot and must be destroyed, and
Ifills jacket really must go. What was she thinking?

Sent from my iPhone

Senate passes (out after) bailout bill

Well, it passed. I guess that's the difference between a governing body that serves six years instead of two — the majority of which are up for re-election next month.

I actually think that the bill will fail again Friday in the House. But then, what do I know, I was country when wasn't country was cool. Whoot!

The Onion: Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It

I am sorry, you will soon find out that I *heart* The Onion. And this brief, omg, I had to post — just had to... please pass the Aquanet.

Oh and just in case you were born after 1980, here is the original video from MTV.

Best line: "I know what that is... that's music..." lol



(And let me tell you, this dad in this video sounds a lot like my mom when I was 16, trust me — and let me tell you another thing, my mom did, in fact, carry an M-16, I have the shrapnel to prove it... to know me is to love me, lol.)

McCain gets hot under the collar during Des Moines Register interview

Oh, Sam Stein has the video and excellent commentary on the Des Moines Register editorial board's interview Monday with John McCain on HuffingtonPost.com. The candidate, who is famous for his quick temper, gets visibly upset with the questioners. I love it.

Best line: "I have never been an astronaut, but I think I know the challenges of space."

(And come to think of it, I have never been to me, and yet I know who I am. How McCainian of me, eh?!?)

Flying Under the Radar: Prosecutor named in probe of Bush Admin's dismissal of U.S. attorneys

Welp, with the election coverage and the bailout plan's failed vote today, this pretty much hasn't been covered by the national press — and the cable news channels in particular. Personally, I think that it's big news.

It's called The Justice Department for a reason. It's supposed to dole out justice in the name of the people. And with all the crap and the shenanigans that have been going on recently in the financial sector (and why do I have a feeling there will be some shady dealings on Election Day this year), this nation needs a department that it can count on to be fair, balanced and (hello!) just.

I guess we'll find out.

Good Ole Tom (or, the best local commercials in Connecticut)

Oh, can I just tell you how deee-licious these local commercials are? omg, they rule. See why Good Ole Tom is so good below.

The best one is the first one, and you know they must have pulled her from some local production of, like, "And Then There Were None" or something somewhere. And the poor dog, lol...







(Awww... this good ol' tomboy finds herself *hearting* Good Ole Tom.)

And now, for your Match Game Moment

Here it is. I couldn't embed it, so just click on the link.

Best line: This woman's facial expressions are priceless... lol.

Maureen Dowd: Sound, but No Fury (or my thoughts exactly!)

Sometimes I agree with her and sometimes I don't. But she always makes me think. Maureen Dowd's latest column for The Times.

Best line: "Obama did a poor job of getting under McCain’s skin. Or maybe McCain did an exceptional job of not letting Obama get under his skin. McCain nattered about earmarks and Obama ran out of gas. We’re left waiting for a knockout debate. On to Palin-Biden."

(Nice to know that I wasn't the only one who was rather non-plused by either candidates' performance Friday night.)

In case you missed it...

... I have it here. So good.

Best line: "Every morning, when Alaskans wake up, one of the first things they do, is look outside to see if there are any Russians hanging around. And if there are, you gotta go up to them and ask, 'What are you doing here?' and if they can't give you a good reason, it's our responsibility to say, you know, 'Shoo! Get back over there!'''

Sarah Silverman — The Great Schlep (or Edgy "Hars" for Obama!)

Yes. She rules. And you will not only watch this Election 2008-related "har" and enjoy it, you will also watch the new season of The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central, which starts next month. If you don't, I might cry. And that would make me sad. (Hence the crying)

Best line: "Barack Hussain Obama: it's super fucking shitty name... but you'd think that someone named Manischewitz Gubberman might understand that."


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Well, it was only a mater of time until the Palin-ating Princess of Power's beauty queen past was posted on the Internets.

Apparently, YouTube has been feverishly attempting to pull all the clips of this 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant Moment that were posted to the site this weekend. This one below, however, is still up and running as of tonight:



While she is no doubt "hat cha!" and seems to gavotte well in a swimsuit and high heels ("step two, three... and spin and turn and smile... and step two three and..."), I am not sure what is more annoying: that this ridiculous woman might be our next vice president or the saxophone playing during her walk through. It's a tough call.

#30#

I thought it would never end.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): I just...

... realized that Jim Leher has negative Little Orphan Annie eyes.

(hint: no hint, just think about it. Do I have to do ALL the work, sheesh.)

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): ok...

... it's official: I miss Hillary. Is it too late to make a roster
change -- for either one? Email me and let me know.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): now enjoying...

... The Battle of the Bracelets. Looking forward to The Battle of the
Cubic Zirconium Pendants.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): yikes...

... McCain just referred to the miltants who were fighting the
Russians in the 80s as "Afghani freedom fighters." um they are now
known as The Taliban, John. Bin Laden was among em. Sigh.

Lord, someone tell him they've invented the printing press, and people
can now share and pass on the news -- oh yeah, and that the world isnt
flat either. Its octagonal Sigh.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): well...

....I am starting to think that this just might be one of the most non-
climatic debates ever. So far, it's failing to deliver. And I just may
have to break up with it. I've let the debate know it's on notice.
Entertain me, or I'm flipping to "Intervention."

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): wow...

... John McCain is kinda short. Not short like me (I'm girl short),
but, you know, like, presidential candidate short. Yep. He's short.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): holy cow...

... Obama just said "orgy of spending." now who's bringing sexy back,
eh?

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): so I'm thinking...

... that Obama's ears are, like, really big. I find it's rather
distracting from all the smarty pants things he's saying. He should do
something about this. It'll help him in the long run. I'm just saying.

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (first debate): not sure why...

... but I find myself strangely facinated by McCain's comb-over. Is
that wrong?

Sent from my iPhone

LIVE BLOGGING (the first debate): Um...

... John McCain should stick to his day job. He cannot tell a joke to
save his life. omg. So. Not. Funny.

(my favorite lead balloon so far, "the pen joke." wtf was that?!? who's writing his stuff, seinfeld? and who the hell still uses the word "festooned"?)

And Obama needs to loosen up a bit -- I know, he should fain laughter
at one of Grampy Gramp's duds. It would at least show he's
compassionate.

Sent from my iPhone

Crib Notes from the Campaign: Caribou Barbie — American Cheater.

Dude. She is so totally cheating during her interview with Couric. Totally looking at notes! And to quote a great line from Breakfast Club: "Totally?" ... "Totally."

This form of cheating (or help from above, however you want to frame it), and the discussion about it, is all over the Internets.

OK, so watch her look down at her "talking points" toward the end of this clip (the video looses its audio sync, but it doesn't matter, just watch her eyes behind those Tina Fey specs).

Best line: "She's not always responsive when she's asked questions... so it was an interesting experience interviewing her yesterday." Yeah, I'll say.



(CB, if you're gonna cheat, don't get caught. At least that's what my dad always taught me.)

And now for something completely different (or Cloris Leachman is funny!)

Because I think the world could use a few more laughs right now. Thanks, Cloris. You rule (I know that I say that about everyone all the time, but in this case, it happens to be true).

What? You think I'm joking? I'm not. Watch this. Cloris Leachman rules — and she can deliver one liners like a former Catskill circuit vet.

Best line: "For the love of god will someone please punch me in the face so I can see some stars!"

My New Hero: Associated Press writer Matt Volz

OK. This is an item taken from The New Republic's blog. I am tired now, after editing and writing for hours, and I will be up super early tomorrow, — so just read it. It's funny. But man, I would totally have asked the reporter to rewrite that lead, lol. Sheesh!

Best line: The lead.

(And I am sorry, I am not going to call it "the lede." Nope, it just ain't gonna happen. Just like I don't write colour.)

Going mobile (obscure Who reference intended)

Well, I can now post via my iPhone. How cool is that. Ha.

Sent from my iPhone

And now, for your Match Game Moment...

This will be regular schtick here on BOT. I loved this show, and still do. There have been times when I have been up late with the chardonnay and watched clip after clip online, laughing until it hurts. And now, I can share my dysfunction with you.

And if you don't think that political correctness has, for the most part, killed American comedy, then all you have to do is watch a few episodes of Match Game — where the comedy frequently was suggestive and non-PC, but always quick witted and actually funny (imagine that, huh). Enjoy.

Best line: Charles Nelson Reilly making a joke and an important political point at the same time. If you are wondering, that's called talent.

The Bonnie Hunt Show — watch it.

My friend Suzanne turned me on to the fact that Bonnie Hunt has a new daytime talk show. Hunt has been hilarious forever, coming out of Chicago's Second City.

Here are a few clips from the first couple of weeks from the show. And this segment below with her mom had me laughing so hard.

Best line: "... that's the guy I invited over..."



OK, one more quick hit:



(just watch the show, people.)

"Don't flag, you know, the molecules" (or some people out there in our nation don't have maps)

Oh boy, oh boy... oh boy.



So, I am Googling the term "fungible commodity" and I come across this on the McCain site's blog. I mean, ok, GOP people, defend your Palin-ating Princess of Power all you want, but for some reason, when I heard that answer, I thought of this (it's eerily similar, no?):



(Like, um, gag me with a spoon — rh-heally!)

Brad Pitt is just the cutest thing ever.

But really, he should just come out of the closet already.

Best line: "Look at Brad Pitt though the ages."

Oh really? Well, that would explain a lot, now wouldn't it?

(And I have to wonder, if those women in the top right pic back there are looking to abstain, why the hell are they making the "sign," as if a target of sorts — I mean, with that many women making "the sign," wouldn't it be visible from space? This could have serious ramifications, well beyond the boundaries of their bra-less march and stacks of Hellen Reddy LPs.... well, as Madonna so wisely sang, life, my friend, is a mystery.)

Rolling paper moon (work with me here, people, work with me)

OK, that pun was weak, I admit. But I mean, really, what do you make of this?!? I love Ryan O'Neal as an actor, I really do. But as a father, apparently, he's the pits. Tatum? Griffin? and of course Redmond now... sigh... he was so talented. C'mon, he ruled in Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon" and you know it!

I mean, I shouldn't judge. I know. We all have problems and I'm far from perfect (and some of you out there are shaking your heads, "Oh, she says she's not perfect, eh? That's the understatement of the year!" as you read this), but when I am 67 years old, I can promise you one thing: I will not be doing crack with my 23-year-old kid.

Still, to me, he will always be Oliver. And I can still see Ali McGraw sitting on those apartment steps, crying. But sometimes, Ryan, you do have say you're sorry. Especially when you act like an ass.

Gawker: Questions to ask about Panic of '08 (oh, and Palin had one eye in the mirror as she watched herself gavotte)

I know that John McCain thinks that the economy is doing just great, and so he's going to take us all out for ice cream to celebrate. Yeah! But for those of us who live in the reality-based community, it's in the shitter.

And Gawker has some good questions that someone should ask somebody who might know somebody who could give someone the answers and then pass them back to us. How about them apples?

(No, no, not THOSE apples, silly... I mean the apples over there. Sigh. You never listen.)

Oh yeah, and Caribou Barbie is so vain — and I'll bet she thinks this post is about her: don't you, don't you, don't you.

Facebook has just scarred me for life

They have redesigned their site, and quite simply put: it hurts my head to look at the pages — and at times this evening, if only briefly, I have been seasick.

Years from now, I will still be having flashbacks, as I recall the painful memory of when I first realized that, "No, they aren't beta-ing these pages, this disaster is official and here to stay."

And so I apologize in advance for the blood-curling screams that will howl from my chest at a future point during REM sleep, as the FB-related shock I have just lived through tonight recycles round again and again, eternally hiccuping through my overthought and overwrought head.

If there is a god, and I know that the jury is out on that one, he or she will step in and make things right... an online world of social networkers crosses itself, and holds its bated breath.

The most unfunniest thing I have seen in, like, a super long time (or insert crickets chirping here)

... and that includes the times when I have occasionally stumbled across episodes of "Two and a Half Men."

If I was a PC owner, I would be embarrassed for my people. But then, I own a Mac and drive a Saab that still has its temporary plates — because life, like the funny period of Seinfeld's career, is fleeting.

Worst unfunny line (aka lead balloon aka led zepplin): "I love a condiment with booze in it."

Well, you knew I was gonna hafa post this, now didn't you?

I mean, really.

Best line: "Noooo mine! It's supposed to be mine!"



(And Tina, call me.)

I have discovered Scott Bateman's cartoons — and it is good

I still have yet to see Charlie Gibson's entire interview with Sarah Palin. I have them DVRed, but I just haven't had the chance to watch all three. Perhaps that's what I'll do after I step away from this here computer to make — and more importantly then eat — my dinner.

Because I like to listen to political talk or the news as I cook my chow (perhaps its the mindlessness of cable news' chattering classes that gives me the mental freedom to create dazzling dishes-for-one in my kitchen each night).

In the meantime... I finally decided to check out one of Scott Bateman's cartoons on Salon.com, and it's very cute. This one is Caribou Barbie related, but his other shorts are pretty funny, too. So, check it out... now, off to saute some chicken cutlets and steam me some broccoli.

(Bloggers need sustenance you know, we can't live on French press coffee, protein shakes and Austarlian Chardonnays alone!).

Best line: "All options include putting on a clown suit and juggling chainsaws while dachshunds jump through a flaming hoop."

Kreepy Kats for all my friends (although I am sure most of you would have just preferred another round).

It's Friday. And on Gawker, that means it's time for Kreepy Kats. I think, like Sarah Palin or artichokes, you either love 'em or hate 'em — but I *heart* the little feline freaks of fun. And so, you get the post.

Boo-ya!!



Best Line: "Jets are gonna beat the Bradyless Pats 500 to -8. Limpy!! Suck it!!!"

Palin in comparison (another pun — try to keep up!)

OK, this is the first part of Gibson's interview with America's Own Caribou Barbie. Of course, the angle totally sucks. But it's only a matter of time until someone pops the version with the close ups etc online — you know, the one they actually show on TV? Yeah. That edit.

But my first impression: Palin's no where near as deft at delivering off the cuff comments or answers, as she is in delivering her scripted and well-rehearsed stump speech. So, I would imagine that that is why they have been hiding her.

She sort of reminds me here of a bad soap actor or something, you know what I mean? Like she just got the script last night, and now she has to do it in a once-off, and she's doing her best to keep to it and sell it, but you she really could have used an extra day or two to get it right.

I kept waiting for the camera to zoom in, and have her stare disturbingly into Charlie Gibson's face, upset and slightly agitated — for 10 seconds or more — as the program went off into commercial... she did, however, look hot-cha. And I always give points out for that. ;0)

And boy, is ABC dragging this out. The network is releasing the interview in three parts over the next two days. Stop being such a moose tease, Gibson!

Anyhow, there's a couple of other addition clips on their feed from the ABC World News portion from tonight, as well. I am sure I will have a lot to say about the interview when I get a chance to the whole thing — and at a decent angle, you know, the kind, like, where we can actually see people's faces?

Oh, and for you uber news geeks out there (like moi), here's a transcript of the first part of the interview.

Best line: (excerpt follows)

Sarah Palin on God:

GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?

PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.

GIBSON: Exact words.

PALIN: But the reference there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln's words when he said -- first, he suggested never presume to know what God's will is, and I would never presume to know God's will or to speak God's words.

(um, yeah... gotcha, CB.)

Because I can.

That's why I am posting this item. I love WWN. And I miss seeing it on a stand along the grocery isle each week. And, how can you not have a soft spot in your heart for Bat Boy? I mean, really.

So, people, get ready — you're gonna get WWN-related posts. Damn the torpedoes, unbelievers, cause the shit they write about it's true, I'm telling ya, all true!

Best line: "Concertgoers are reporting that he slipped past security using a disguise, consisting of skinny jeans and an 'Ithaca is Gorges' t-shirt."

Oh, and this is Vampire Weekend. And yes, they rule. Ha.



("Ithaca is Gorges" omg, lol, it's worth the post for just the T-shirt reference in the story alone.)

Rachel Maddow rules — and you know it. So watch her show, dammit.

Yeah for Maddow. And yeah for MSNBC for giving Maddow her own nightly show. You know, in an amazing and mind-blowingly brilliant article that was written last year about cable's new power dyke, she said:

"I 100 percent believe that the reason that I have not gone further in television is not only because I am gay, but because of what I look like. I am not a Barbie girl with Barbie doll-like looks. Because in television, what you look like is a huge deal," she said...

Well, guess who has just blown through that infamous rainbow-ed ceiling, eh? And Maddow, don't worry, you're adorable. :0)

Look, Sharon, I put a post up specifically for you!

And you know that you must be totally cracking up right now. Because this is funny, isn't it?!?

And while I have got your attention, watch this below (and yes, I am dancing around in my cubicle to it now):



(ok, I couldn't find the video online, but this fan-made video totally rocks the casbah!)

Paglia on Palin: Let the pop culture analysis begin!

Oh, Camille Paglia, the world is a better place with you in it and writing a regular bimonthly column for Salon.com — especially when she analyzes the whole Caribou Barbie issue.

Paglia, born and raised in upstate New York (she also attended Harpur College, aka SUNY-Binghamton, my alma matter... if I had bothered to graduate) is one of my favorite thinkers and essayists re: pop culture and women's issues.

I was lucky enough to game an interview with her a few years ago when her last book came out. It was one of my favorites, and I don't think I have ever been more nervous on the other end of the phone.

And when it comes to pissing off the feminist establishment, nobody does it better. See here:



In her essay today for Salon, Paglia raises some excellent points about Palin's candidacy and the Left's reaction to it. And while any right-thinking person (or would that be left-thinking person?) wouldn't want this woman anywhere near the Oval Office (or your kitchen unless you like moose burgers), you have to admit that the Guv don't pull no punches.

And I have a feeling that Palin is really beginning to perform her true role in all off this — a red herring meant to froth up the chattering classes of the left into hysterics and throw them, and their candidate, off their game (and off the boring and uninspiring McCain's daily campaign trail coverage, i.e. she's exciting so he's exciting too!). And unfortunately so many on the left and in the media are complying. Sigh.

Best line: "It is certainly premature to predict how the Palin saga will go. I may not agree a jot with her about basic principles, but I have immensely enjoyed Palin's boffo performances at her debut and at the Republican convention, where she astonishingly dealt with multiple technical malfunctions without missing a beat. A feminism that cannot admire the bravura under high pressure of the first woman governor of a frontier state isn't worth a warm bucket of spit."

More on the Olbermann/Matthews Affair from New York Observer

This is a great read from The New York Observer on the whole shake up at MSNBC.

The thing is, is that both Olbermann and Matthews are political pundits with strong opinions one way or the other (and I have to admit that's what I love about them both), and the two talking heads together are about as objective in their political analysis of this year's presidential campaign as Red Sox fans would be calling a Yankees game.

So, after feeling the heat during the RNC last week, and apparently a ton of in-fighting within the news division at MSNBC, they moved Keith and Chris out of the anchors' chairs, and into the punditry popcorn section.

I say, "Yeah!" for that — now the two of them can just go ahead and say whatever the hell they want. And just let Gregory be the bore.

Or let him DANCE!

Best line: "He said they had been having a philosophical debate on the subject for months. “I think what came to a head this time is that our guys don’t want to be restrained,” said Mr. Griffin. “That was it. … If you move a chair over, you can say what you really think.”

Late Night Music Club: "Famous Blue Raincoat"

There is a live version of this song online, but I don't like it. It's too fast. So, you get a fan-made video instead. Aren't you lucky, eh?

Boil that Lance!! (or Armstrong returns)

Why won't he go away? Why? So he's going to return to racing. Yawn. Isn't he supposed to be retired?

I mean, yeah he beat cancer and yeah he's this great champion, but he's worse than Michael Phelps when it comes to super athlete super-stardom super annoying "look at me I think I'm a rock star but really I'm just this uber-talented jock" bullshit — and that's saying something.

So he's bored. Can't he take up knitting or world peace or Pamela Anderson or something. I mean, aren't there any more Olsons to sleep with? Researchers tell us that there is at least one more. Sigh.

Well, I guess if he can't keep it in his pants, perhaps he can gently hold it within his padded compressor shorts and pedal away off into the baguette-battered sunset (and yes, phallic reference intended, I am a failed English major you know).

At least we know the public will be safe from his yellow-jerseyed charm for the 23 days he'll be on his bike cycling around goat cheese-filled cafes and lush green Frenchie countrysides.

And amen to that, people.

Does this make cents? Apparently so.

You know the economy is bad when the 99 Cent Only Store raises its prices. Things there will now cost 99.99 cents. Um, wouldn't that now just be called The Dollar Store?

And how the hell is the grumpy-assed cashier who always seems to man the registers in these places (these people need to get out more, clearly!) supposed to give me back my change of a tenth of a cent? WTF?

Most importantly, however, where will Ellen and Portia shop now? Inquiring minds want to know.

Technical difficulties, please stand by...

It appears that YouTube is doing some site maintenance. So, just bear with me on the video clips tonight. Here, to pacify you masses, watch this (there is one short commercial to get through, but I believe in you, people, and I know you can hold on until you make through to the other side of the break — booya!):



There now, don't you feel better? Koo koo ka cha!

Olbermann/Matthews out anchoring MSNBC campaign coverage

Well, I have to say, that this makes sense. They both really are too opinionated to anchor the coverage. You have to remember that as the anchor, you are supposed to be impartial — as much as possible anyhow. And Olbermann and Matthews are anything but.

Still, they both will make great commentators and analysts — as they do on their own nightly shows — as the channel continues its campaign coverage — and I am really looking forward to Rachel Maddow's new show on the channel, which premiere's tonight.

So far, it's just been a stellar and never-boring presidential race. And I only think it will heat up over the next two months. All right!

Can I get some fries with that shake?!?

Where I have I been! September is National Potato Month. And in fact, everybody's favorite tuber is not only celebrated annually once every 12 months, but the whole of 2008 has actually been the International Year of the Potato. No really, it's true, I mean, would I lie to you?

(Actually, don't answer that question, as I may, at times, stretch the truth a bit for the sake of humor... ok, not the truth, per se, but perhaps a sprinkle of hyperbole here and there, as if fairy dust, for the sake of putting a smile on your overworked face — and isn't that what it's all about in the end?)

But apparently, someone forgot to give Rachel "E.V.O.O." Ray the message. I am so disappointed. I thought for sure she was a team player, but alas, I was wrong. Just watch:



But then I got to thinking about Ray's crazed and frenzied demeanor, and spuds in general, and I thought: what is the difference between Ray's hyperactive non-spud performance above, and the speed-fueled Spud performance below? Eh?



(Like how I wrapped this all up so neatly for you. Even I am impressed. Ha.)

The First Post: Blast Off!!!

Well, I finally did it. I started my own blog. And to commemorate the big event — the following:



(What? You're thinking a bit too much? Should have gone for a softer opening... hmmm, perhaps, but then who the hell doesn't like fireworks, eh? I mean really.)